Big Edie Replies

The cat’s going
        to the bathroom
                right right in back
of my portrait.
        God, isn’t that awful?
                No, I’m glad he is.
I’m glad somebody’s
        doing something
                he wanted to do.
You can’t have your cake
        and eat it too, in life.
                Oh yes, I did.
I did, I had my cake,
        loved it,
                masticated it,
chewed it and had
        everything I wanted.
                Aren’t you going
to feed, uh, Whiskers, Edie?
        Come on, go feed
                Whiskers. No, don’t
eat it. Give it
        to Whiskers, please!
                My body is a very
precious place.
        It’s concentrated ground.
                It is a beautiful ocean
today, isn’t it? What
        would you say that is,
                sort of sapphire?
I’ve never seen anything
        like that ocean!
                Always must do
everything correctly!
        He always compliments
                me on the way
I do my corn.
        Where in the hell
                did you come from?
Thank you for your card
        and your ice-cream,
                I love you very much!
Will you shut up?
        It’s a goddamn
                beautiful day,
shut up!

By Joshua Keiter

reader, writer, actor, singer, teacher