Joshua Keiter

Give up this business
     this shilly-shally of art
          You have no right
to look in the mirror
     at exactly this instant
          what do you get
when you continue
     a lifetime’s worth
          of regrets & worthless
I don’t have to tell you
     the answer begins with why
          and ends with who
Do you think I’m talking to you?
     How dare you bring
          this plate of fried chicken
to this vegan unsanctioned potluck?
     Or was that just
          the beard you apparently
think you can grow
     and then shave off
          like no one noticed?
When all the time they saw it happening

It’s always something
if it’s not something else
keep yourself to yourself
and it will all turn out
sideways not to forego
comeuppance for the sake
of habitual reticence

Is that all there is?
A lot of false starts
and a whole bunch
of nonsense words
creeping into my everyday
vocabulary like they
were meant to be there?

I insist on a recount
You know, a do over
Start this one fresh
Right now I mean
Right now. Please
start over. Take it back.
Is that all there is?

Reminds me of a soft shoe on the moon.
Like how everything happens in the last seconds.
While you weren’t looking.
We’ll always have yesterday.
Things were much clearer when we were young.
Don’t you agree now that you’re older?
We won’t be this way forever.
So hold on fast to your breathing.
It’s the only thing keeping me together.
And it’s only drifting away.
Except for the ones I keep.
But they’re only temporary anyway.
Did you answer the question I’m afraid to ask?
It’s only you and me here I’m afraid.
Hold my life.
I’m crying all the time now.
There’s nothing left but to be born.

If you keep turning around
everything in front of you
will be behind

There’s no time like the present
you remember when you started
reading this poem?

Yeah, that’s over with.
If it made any difference
this is over too.

You might say it never ends
But you’d be wrong as usual
There is no end and

in my end is my beginning
Stuck in the middle with you.

Let this be an admonition
that you never have to hear
Never mind t-shirt slogans
with their inadequate silkscreen
or bumper sticker theophilandering
By the time you get this message
it will self destruct in five minutes
And then what will be left but
the seconds you stood in line
as your groceries accumulated
at the bottom of a cart waiting
for you to collect them in a bag
you should have remembered to bring.
Any cash back? Hell no. Face front.
Keep moving and get out of the way.
There. Just like I told you.
Let me put that phone away for you.
I’ve got nowhere else to be anyway.
I’ve always been here and here
I will stay. Plastic or paper?

Somehow when you said to everything
there is a reason everything didn’t
arrive all together in one piece
More or less we had to decide not
to decide anything which left us
back where we started before all of this
began. Beginning with that moment
when you found the secret door hidden
inside the open door you might have
closed if not for the wind blowing
at precisely that time when you said
there is no time for any purpose under
the eavesdropping truths like no one’s
business you ran out into the rain
dripping with wet sand falling through
the fingers of the hourglass you met
and instantly recognized for it was then
you said I am home here yes I am home.
You left before I could begin and then
said it was none of your business mine either.

My mother believes
     that every grief
          recalls, or
at least summons
     the memory of
          every other grief.
And I can’t help but
     think if that 
          is so, then
it must also be true
     for joy. Just as
          it must also be
when the seasons turn
     it brings back
          every other season
or maybe just the first.
     As in the first last
          time you ever
experience something.
     I remember hearing
          Billy Joel playing
The Longest Time
     in the other room
          on the stereo
while I was in
     the other room doing
          something else,
and I ran to
     where the music
          was coming from
thinking it might be
     the last time
          I ever hear that song.
I was only a kid,
     and surprised by
          my mother
with the cassette case
     in her hand,
          and I realized
we could play the song
     any time we wanted.
          Even when it’s not
on the radio,
     you can bring it back
          by rewind or
fast forward,
     to the precise moment
          the song begins.
And not only that
     every time you hear the song
          is also every other
time you’ve heard the song.
     Every age you become
          is also every age
you’ve ever been.
     Which is why I feel
          like a child
as the days grow shorter
     and longer
          and I’m rushing
from the other room
     to see everything
          before it passes,
and I forget
     there’s nothing
          to remember.

Nothing from my past seems real anymore
Like it all could have been a dream
Even my birth doesn’t feel like it really happened
The cusp of existence so easily breached 


Just as the year zero didn’t actually occur
Instead we went from one to one for some reason
I guess the guy from the Middle Ages who figured it out
Must have miscalculated

I’m not used to endings
which is to say
I’m not used to beginning
things at least

I had no say
in the matter
I just arrived
in a manner of speaking

the same way
that things just come
and then they go away
for a time

you can tell
by the way when things
appear already
they are waving.

Even as I wish
there were more time
like there used to be
to sit with a record album
and read the lyrics
while the music was playing
I still hold out hope
that I will get around
to bringing down
the records from the attic
and finding a spare shelf
to place them carefully upon
and removing them
from their threadbare sleeves
and lifting the needle
to place upon the circle
a few times because
I never got the hang of 
queuing the record up
just at the start
where there’s nothing
but static and potential
and time to put the lyrics
in both of your hands
before they reach 
your eyes and ears
and last as long as the silence
at the beginning and the end
and everywhere surrounding them.