Somehow I stopped seeing it As the park where we went The day we spent together When it seemed you needed company Or the park where I sat As a sandbox philosopher Immortalized in my yearbook I never got the photo back Or the park where I would run To let off steam not to be a kid again But to swing on the swing set As an arrested thirty something Today I sat on the see saw And saw all of that and breathed Beside a new you and a new me Where you can live even though you’re gone And I can live with someone who loves me
Tag: Poetry
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Napowrimo 6
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Nanowrimo 5
And in that year of hospitals And waiting room magazines And box cutters following me through the supermarket And the voices on the TV altered to alert my insecurities And the anxiety of a window And waking up countless times not waking up And thinking I had really only died that first night And never took a breath again after the opening darkness And all the world was waiting for death And I was holding up the line blocking the path And I was the destroyer of worlds the trees infinite and never returning from their eternal winter And pounding on flesh and car ceiling to restart the universe And waking to think she might be out there somewhere And only to wake a year later knowing she was gone And I was the only one who could put it right And knowing I failed I could not help but start again And love was the answer to death again just the same
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Napowrimo 4
Sometimes it takes Losing a friend To remember the friends You still have Are waiting at the end Of the line and a long Journey you had no idea Was happening without you To take a few moments To be present to be there And know that somewhere Between the two of you Though distance may distant And time may run away Despite the fact of loss That things are good Very good indeed
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Napowrimo 3
Your daughter collected fallen petals from the tree The night you were too tired to move We had to gather them all she said before they were gone Another day she walked the backyard saying she was sad The tree had died but was grateful for its life She seemed to already know so much of loss Much more than you when I said I loved you After we held each other’s bodies the first time You said you hardly know me and I said I know you well enough to know I love you It was all I could say when you yelled at your parents for no apparent reason And your daughter implored you to remember How she fell asleep singing your worth It wasn’t enough all that could not be said When your mother sent the message you had died I paced the house looking outside the window at the trees Each petal had fallen and returned to where it had come from But once again I was lost losing you And I would be lost a long time to come
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Napowrimo 2
The journey begins with a death An uncontrollable heart rate And labored breathing if any Wheeled out into the too warm autumn sun Thinking it’s been a mistake That you were faking it Because you are a really good liar And nothing is as it seems You’ve been inflicted with imposter syndrome You can’t answer your students simple questions Even those on the verge of depression Instead you think it’s a cold You’re taken to the emergency room A good excuse to not teach the next day And they give you a shot of Ativan Which you remember your friends taking in grad school When like you they have a pile of papers waiting to grade And you go home but hours later You’re shaking knowing you’re going to die
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Napowrimo 1
Because death could not be beaten I beat death at its own game A conversation at the top of the stairs In the middle of the night With a figment of the response To 20th century devastation Personified as a humble pastor Saying there’s been a lot of death going on But what if we beat death at its own game And that was when my brain knew Though still addled with delusions Of seroquel and catatonia That despite the fact that I was the cause Of everyone around the world dying God was saving every single soul In a million tiny bubble acts of stealth That nothing can separate us Even a burrowing tunnel leading to the glow Of a television snake eating its own tail From the love that shuts our eyes in sleep At the end of a long naked journey That can only bring us back to where We started in silence and ended smiling whole
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Winter Spring
Do not be dismayed, my dear
By delay of this spring winter equinox
For snow may keep us lost among the drifts
Or perpetually covered in love’s enormous gifts
That never decay nor melt nor barren tundra
Become what was or what may never will be
Let us love as we have known was in our power
The love that first caused atoms to collide
And brings us here to this imperfect perfect place
Wherein time’s face shows us eternity’s gaze
For trees though bare still breathe into the stars
And ghosts of winters past give echo moan
Our love still warms through even powerless power
And molecules collide with every breaking waking hour
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Catatonia
Will eternity be made entirely of water or of sand? When I was barely hanging on burrowing into the center of the earth to find the ouroboros had already been there and devoured my tail I could have sworn the rain outside harbingered a flood of the end times when all the while the world was renewing itself and I had only a few more ordeals to endure before I came out the other side until then I stared into the frosted cubes of glass and cycled through my memories to safety.
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Tear Me Down
I tried to build a bridge out of the wall that kept falling apart and reassembling itself over and over like a broken record but it turned out there was no need because all around us was only undifferentiated matter and not even a gulf of polluted water to traverse we could make do with a leisurely stroll or a tin can apparatus to communicate even sending photographs to be developed on the laundry line out the window But when the music breaks and confetti litters the stage like our tears down our face all I know is the recognition that we experienced the same as we together sobbing embrace.
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Unicorns Aren’t Real
And that’s that No you can’t turn around in this drive thru We’re all going in one direction and that’s towards a sour sugary grave topped with whip and pink powder taste the rainbow and synergy of a billion billion Instagram posts that no one will ever get around to liking only silently tagging themselves slurping