Joshua Keiter

The hardest thing I ever did
Was taking the stage after you died
As an immortal impish spirit 
Flirting between two fictions
Yearning for the ephemerality
Of physical metaphysical love
It was all I could do to keep myself
Together with a straight crooked face
Twirling around until a straight line
Appeared tearing the fabric of
Her dress as the curtain falls called
Us out onto the stage to accept 
That we will never immortal be
But players upon the stage singing
The sound of no note not one iota
Could bring the idea of me back to you
Because you are immortal now aren’t you
And I face immortality alone and then some
Other face if I were not upon the stage
I would let you let me enter exit through me
And all that is through our revels ended
And midnight came all too soon and late

The pictures from Paris
Slowly turning red

Obscured by plumes of smoke
Accompanying catastrophe 

I opened the camera by mistake
In the cathedral 

Overexposing all memories
Until all were tinged

With the tint of never remembering 
What prompted the capture 

Of light and color 
When my eyes darted in the dark

Hoping to save what 
Never could be saved 

Psalm 31

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
   my eye wastes away from grief,
   my soul and body also. 
For my life is spent with sorrow,
   and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my misery,
   and my bones waste away. 

I am the scorn of all my adversaries,
   a horror to my neighbours,
an object of dread to my acquaintances;
   those who see me in the street flee from me. 
I have passed out of mind like one who is dead;
   I have become like a broken vessel. 
For I hear the whispering of many—
   terror all around!—
as they scheme together against me,
   as they plot to take my life. 

But I trust in you, O Lord;
   I say, ‘You are my God.’ 
My times are in your hand;
   deliver me from the hand of my enemies and persecutors. 
Let your face shine upon your servant;
   save me in your steadfast love. 
Do not let me be put to shame, O Lord,
   for I call on you;
let the wicked be put to shame;
   let them go dumbfounded to Sheol. 
Let the lying lips be stilled
   that speak insolently against the righteous
   with pride and contempt. 

Although you are no longer here
Meaning today is no longer your birthday
It is still your birthday
As we celebrate others waving palms
Heralding the entrance to the city
Where all will take their place
Placing branches and coats along the road 
Although he is no longer here
We still sing Hosanna a little too loud 
And we will be together and alone
On the road to the hill where you rest
Waiting for redemption from the dust
So raise palms in honor of this day
Your birthday even though you are gone

But when we seemingly escape the asylum
But the grass is too green for December fluorescent green unnatural and atomic
But the meat tastes too grisly and mammalian
But the television people are still speaking at me before taking their guests offscreen to slaughter 
But David Bowie and George Martin dead they are killing all the music you will never hear again
But the visit to the psychiatrist re-enacts the coming flood where all the art is washed away
But the psychiatrist is one of them and only you know it best stay silent nothing to betray
But everyone is being erased and uploaded the candidates manipulated and animatronic on the Sunday morning shows
But the world is growing barren the trees lifeless the color orange
But the earth is hurtling into the sun off course of kilter 
But you cannot escape the doorway the threshold on the other side is the void of eternity
But the books are changing languages before your eyes so much lost in translation
But the Bible is absolutely true everything happened in history and metaphor
But we are infinite beings being laid low by infernal devices subject to time transplant dying slowly in the year of our lord 2016 when everything ended

Set me as a seal
Upon your heart
As a seal upon your arms
Love is strong as death

Many waters 
Cannot quench love
Many waters
Even as the flood drowns it

Set me as a seal
Upon your heart
As a seal upon your arms
Love is stronger than death

Love is stronger than death

Somehow I stopped seeing it
As the park where we went 
The day we spent together
When it seemed you needed company

Or the park where I sat
As a sandbox philosopher
Immortalized in my yearbook 
I never got the photo back

Or the park where I would run
To let off steam not to be a kid again
But to swing on the swing set
As an arrested thirty something

Today I sat on the see saw 
And saw all of that and breathed
Beside a new you and a new me
Where you can live even though you’re gone

And I can live with someone who loves me

And in that year of hospitals 
And waiting room magazines
And box cutters following me through the supermarket 
And the voices on the TV altered to alert my insecurities
And the anxiety of a window 
And waking up countless times not waking up
And thinking I had really only died that first night
And never took a breath again after the opening darkness
And all the world was waiting for death
And I was holding up the line blocking the path
And I was the destroyer of worlds the trees infinite and never returning from their eternal winter
And pounding on flesh and car ceiling to restart the universe 
And waking to think she might be out there somewhere
And only to wake a year later knowing she was gone 
And I was the only one who could put it right
And knowing I failed I could not help but start again
And love was the answer to death again just the same

Sometimes it takes 
Losing a friend
To remember the friends
You still have
Are waiting at the end
Of the line and a long
Journey you had no idea
Was happening without you
To take a few moments 
To be present to be there
And know that somewhere 
Between the two of you
Though distance may distant
And time may run away 
Despite the fact of loss
That things are good 
Very good indeed

Your daughter collected fallen petals from the tree 
The night you were too tired to move
We had to gather them all she said before they were gone

Another day she walked the backyard saying she was sad
The tree had died but was grateful for its life
She seemed to already know so much of loss

Much more than you when I said I loved you 
After we held each other’s bodies the first time
You said you hardly know me and I said I know you well enough to know I love you

It was all I could say when you yelled at your parents for no apparent reason
And your daughter implored you to remember
How she fell asleep singing your worth

It wasn’t enough all that could not be said
When your mother sent the message you had died
I paced the house looking outside the window at the trees

Each petal had fallen and returned to where it had come from
But once again I was lost losing you
And I would be lost a long time to come